mysterious

mysterious indeed are the ways of john. and mysterious indeed are the outputs of flash.

oh, maybe if you understand what you're doing - no, i think for everyone, it's a surprise, any programming at all, just a few lines of code and you miss something completely obvious. a way of life for a lot of people i guess.

back in the day, i never would have asked for help. today, i believe that there are people who love doing this. and i'm doing what i can, right? to contribute? am i? to the world and the borg and society and friends and neighbors and the history of art? i don't know what else i can do, than keep pushing on, trying to envision and birth ever-more-ambitious works. take that as your starting point, and it becomes obvious, better get used to asking more and more people for help.

is there shame in it? am i lazy for not wanting to be mr. super-duper actionscript master? i don't think so. it really surprised me when i learned about studios back in the day, about painters delegating large swaths of their paintings to apprentices. now i look at any enterprise and that's how the big, successful ones seem to function. you have a movie director or producer, whoever you want to say calls the shots, let's stick to director because those are the people i care about, and then it's all figuring out how to persuade other people to get that movie out of your head and into the world, where it is sucked in by a potentially infinite number of heads (until we become the borg).

so, some mysteries, it's nice to know a pro you can say "i don't get it" and they might help you. some mysteries you want to face alone maybe. frankly i can't think of any right now. exploring mysteries is huge right? what we all can do, what our species has done, basically - look at it, not comprehend it, figure it out, uh oh, all of a sudden yeah we're into pandora's box? frankly this is simple, compared to what i'm talking about. a joke.

let's see if i still feel like this in a couple days. right now i'm saying "this is simple" and "i made a few beginner errors" and "with minimal guidance or web-tutorial hunting by friday this should be doing everything i want it to, programming phase of chess project will be complete." at the moment, the mystery seems more like "where exactly is this door sticking?" and it's just a matter of raising the hinges or sanding down the bottom or the floor or whatever - still work, but not profound, right? just work.